It's ghosting season. Protect yourself.
By Henry Adeleye on February 5, 2016
Ghosting is a relatively new term given to an age-old phenomenon. We always enter new journeys with people hoping for the best, but sometimes things don't quite work out the way we want and they have to come to an end. Usually, there's some sort of closure, some way of getting it across to each other what went wrong and that it's best to part ways. But what's become more common is that one of the people in the relationship just slowly stops calling or responding to texts in order to slip away unnoticed without dealing with the oftentimes painful task of officially breaking things off. This is where ghosting lives. And it's usually around this time of year when ghosting is at its peak. Because Valetine's Day can make things serious when they're not mean to be, people take the opportunity to completely fall off the map to avoid giving off the wrong signals. Before today, you had to deal with it all alone if you'd been ghosted. But now, we're here to help. If you've been a victim of ghosting, here's what you can do to fight back:
First, be sure you've legitimately been ghosted.
Because, you know, stuff really does happen. There are many reasons for ghosting. Maybe they just don't want to move too fast. Maybe they don't want to spend any money on a Valentine's Day date and need a chance to slip away for a few weeks, only to come back like nothing ever happened. Or worst of all, maybe they have another date and are too chicken to tell you straight up for fear of losing one of their options should the person they really want fall through. But there are also legitimate reasons they could have been distant. If they've been standoffish because their dog died or they're a Patriot's fan, they may have just needed some time to cope. So wait a little while before you jump to conclusions.
Call them out on it if you need to get it off your chest. Just not publicly.
But if you find that they're just blowing you off, it's only natural to desire closure even if they don't want to give it to you. Letting them know how they made you feel can do just that. But be sure to send them a private message, call, or voicemail. Just one will suffice. Don't start calling them 20 times a day, and don't stalk them. We'll probably all figure out that you deserved it if you do. And don't call them out publicly. Leave the social media drama for Kanye.
Go ghost on them.
After you let them know how you felt and they subsequently didn't respond to any of your messages or calls, just go ahead and cease all contact. You don't want them to have more ammo on you. And you'll also look ridiculous if you keep pushing the issue. It's important that you don't look ridiculous.
Don't blame yourself.
It's easy to think you're the reason this is happening. But remember, this type of behavior is indicative of the type of person they are, not the type of person you are. It may hurt because, if you think things are going well and suddenly they aren't, you start thinking to yourself, "What in the world happened? What did I do wrong? Did he notice I forgot to put on deodorant the other day? I mean, I sprayed myself with perfume." Remember, it's their fault, not yours.
Be grateful and move on.
Because now you're not stuck chasing something that won't ever happen and you can move on to bigger and better things. Every cloud has a silver lining.
What if they come back?
Usually when ghosting happens around a birthday or holiday, the person eventually comes back when things settle down. What do you do now? There are plenty of signs to let you know that you're being led on. Coming in and out of your life like this is definitely one of them. So, if you let them back in your life and they do it again, there's really nothing anyone can do to help you at that point. So use your head and do what's right.