Stop Falling for People Who Don't Fall for You Back

Know when to get out of something that isn't going anywhere.      

By Henry Adeleye on May 22, 2015 


I've been playing Hitch for a friend of a friend's friend (work with me here) for the past four months or so, and it's gone pretty badly.  Not because I, or they, did anything wrong, but because, at the end of the day, the person they were trying to get with just wasn't the right one for them.  (If you're unfamiliar with the movie, Hitch, it's pretty much Will Smith acting as a relationship coach for a guy who is trying to get the girl of his dreams without screwing up.)  After doing almost everything they should have done, we came to the conclusion about three months ago that they should move on to avoid being led on.  But alas, here we are.  They're still trying to force something that's not there.  Don't be them.   


When someone is into you, they make it plain and simple.  There's no need for games.  There's no need to ask your friend what it means if they're "just trying to find themselves right now".  There's no need to stick around hoping and wishing and praying that the magic somehow miraculously appears.  That just leads to frustration, like when you try to watch a YouTube video and an ad plays that you can't skip.   

When you're given mixed signals, that usually means move on.  The person you're dealing with is just afraid to hurt your feelings by giving you the hard but needed answer.  There are a lot of people walking this Earth who just don't know what they want.  Don't let them take you down with them because you're lonely.  If you need something to make you less lonely, volunteer somewhere, or listen to a Drake CD.  Both should help.  One of the most important things to have in a relationship is reliability.  If you can't have that, you've already lost.   


Ask yourself what the warning signs are of someone who may be leading you astray.  You know what they are.  Like, when you have to work hard to make sure they don't lose interest.  Or when you have to change who you are to get them to accept you.  Once you see those signs, run the other way!  Fast.  The person you're meant to be with will accept you for who you are…or aren't.  And you can tell when the person you're falling for isn't that person.    


As with all matters of the heart, you'll know it when you find it.  If you haven't found what you're looking for yet, keep looking.  Don't settle.  Ever.  Pay attention to all the signals, and take heed when you see something that causes you to question someone's motives.  Follow your intuition.  It will never fail you.  But falling for a person who doesn't fall for you back will.